Letting Go and Trusting Life


I used to have a jewelry business. My friend, Sally, and I both loved playing with the colorful beads and creating jewelry that was fun as well as beautiful. We beaded and chatted for hours on end, sharing ideas and making plans for what we could do with our new business. After the first few months, as things shifted and we got further into it, we realized there were some formidable obstacles to deal with. Before we knew it our little business was a thing of the past.

Life is like that, sometimes. Things can seem so right, so good, so perfect that we can’t believe they won’t last. Most things don’t, though. I have learned to trust that when something loses energy despite my best efforts to keep it going there is something coming that will more than fill that space. Something I can’t begin to fathom when I am looking at what I feel has been lost.

A few short months after our beading business dissolved I discovered hoop dance. And that is another story for another day. Suffice it to say, my short-lived beading business experience reminded me how to dream a more interesting dream for myself than I otherwise would have done and opened my heart and mind to new possibilities. The most empowering thing I have learned is the importance of letting go allowing Life to open my eyes to something they couldn’t have imagined while I was hanging on to what was.

Welcome 2012

Today, New Year’s Day, I find myself looking back as well as forward. 2012 arrives full of unanswered questions and glimmering potentials. Who am I today? What do I want for my tomorrow? What am I done with? What calls my name now?

As I stand at this cross roads I see that there is no getting around it. Whatever I choose will mean saying good-bye to something that has meant a great deal to me. Choosing is as much about saying, “I’m out,” as it is about saying, “I’m in!” Every ‘yes’ contains countless ‘no’s’ that make it possible.

I’ve been riding the fence between ‘in’ and ‘out’ for years now. Clearly, those days are over. It’s time to commit… time to let go of the safety rail and trust the balance and strength I’ve spent a lifetime cultivating. Today I have the opportunity to use what I know in a meaningful way. Am I willing to step into this moment?

Impossible Explosion of Color

In a visualization exercise today, when prompted to let my heart show me it’s true desire, a riot of colors burst into my mind. Vibrant springtime magic splashed playfully across ruffles and waves on what looked like skirts, sashes and scarves.

It wasn’t until I was looking through my pictures just now, looking for one that felt right to post that I recognized those same colors in this exotic-looking daisy that grows audaciously in my backyard. Everyone knows that bright yellow and green don’t go with soft lavender, and yet, here is Mother Nature thumbing her nose at all of those color rules with her joyful creation. Like this flower, my vision was the stuff of a Mardi Gras-worthy celebration! Don’t be shy, it seemed to be saying, life is for living and there is much to celebrate!

I’ve been inspired by flowers forever. I have taken thousands of flower pictures over the years and can get lost for hours looking at them and doing my best to catch the magnificence my eye sees through the lens of the camera. I always see something new in the beauty of their intricate designs, colors and the way the light changes their faces. It used to be the potted plants on my balcony that I photographed or the flowers I encountered as I walked through my neighborhood. Now I have a heavenly yard full of trees and flowers of all kinds of varieties. Now, in the midst of spring, there is an impossible explosion of color everywhere I look. It’s like Christmas in May in my world. And I am grateful beyond measure for the bounty of beauty that awaits me every time I look out a window or step outside.

The Sacred Body of the Universe

I stumbled upon this poem on the Hoop Drum blog

My heart came to attention as I read these inspired words. The energy of the poem has stayed with me ever since. Though I rarely post anything I haven’t written myself on my blogs, this one begged to be shared.

Confluence ~ a coming or flowing together, meeting, or gathering at one point

Hymn to the Sacred Body of the Universe
by Drew Dellinger

Let’s meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

for one instant
to dwell in the presence of the galaxies
for one instant
to live in the truth of the heart
the poet says this entire traveling cosmos is
“the secret One slowly growing a body”

two eagles are mating–
clasping each other’s claws
and turning cartwheels in the sky
grasses are blooming
grandfathers dying
consciousness blinking on and off
all of this is happening at once
all of this, vibrating into existence
out of nothingness

every particle
foaming into existence
transcribing the ineffable

arising and passing away
arising and passing away
23 trillion times per second–
when Buddha saw that,
he smiled

16 million tons of rain are falling every second
on the planet
an ocean
perpetually falling
and every drop
is your body
every motion, every feather, every thought
is your body
time
is your body,
and the infinite
curled inside like
invisible rainbows folded into light

every word
of every tongue
is love
telling a story to her own ears

let our lives be incense
burning
like a
hymn to the sacred body of the universe

my religion is rain
my religion is stone
my religion reveals itself to me in sweaty epiphanies

every leaf, every river, every animal,
your body
every creature
trapped in the gears of corporate nightmares,
every species made extinct
was once your body

ten million people are dreaming that they’re flying
junipers and violets are blossoming
stars exploding and being born
god is having deja vu
I am one elaborate crush

we cry petals as the void is singing
you are the dark that holds the stars
in intimate distance
that spun the whirling, whirling world into existence

let’s meet at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath swirls between our lungs.

from love letter to the milky way

Today I Choose…

Today I choose to right myself. Today I feel my balance returning after the topsy-turvy rung bell feeling of the past few days.

Life feels a little crazy sometimes. I’ve been exposed to new situations and different people and the challenges they face. Their world is not mine and I am shocked by what they know as normal. Not shocked in a judgmental, ‘I’m better than you’ way. It’s been more that I cannot fathom how they endure the weight of some of their experiences.

And though I didn’t know what to say to any of them, I chose to stay in the moment with the woman who is grieving the suicide of her son, the sixteen-year-old girl who lives in a group foster home and is pregnant, the news that my honey’s business may yet become a casualty in this insane political climate.

And I am here now choosing to embrace Life. Choosing to breathe in Love and keep my heart open and spread my arms wide to embrace whatever comes my way. These past few days I had more than a few opportunities to be there for others, to listen, to offer my time, to offer a hug and let them know I’m here. I don’t have your answers, I can’t solve your problems but I am here. And I hear you. And I see you. And it’s okay for you to feel whatever you are feeling.

I took this picture on a flight from Denver, where I’d attended a weekend workshop on recognizing and activating your Passion, back to the Bay Area in June 2008. Recent California fires had turned the clear blue sky, miles above the clouds, a hazy, burnished brown and the sun flourescent orangy-red. Being fully alive and connected to one’s passion, to me, means not just choosing to do the things that thrill and excite me but choosing to allow Life touch me and move me and work through me. That’s when the real magic happens.

And Now You Write

*And how ironic is it that Julie Jordan Scott’s business when I first met her was called 5 Passions. And igniting and encouraging Passion in those around her is one of her claims to fame. Here’s to you, Julie!